The Pleasure and Pain Principle

Finding time to write my thoughts, coherently and in a way that doesn’t terrify new subs is always a bit of a challenge.

I often find trying to explain to subs who have never sessioned with me, exactly what I do. The stereotypical, whip wielding leather clad valkyrie is so old hat and such an awful cliche it just makes me wince.

The diversity of Mistress’s/Dominatrix’s/Bdsmer practitioners around today is stunning and they cater for the weirdest and kinkiest fetish to the hard of judicial canings.

My style revolves around ‘The Pleasure and Pain Principle’ which Freud came up with in the late 1800’s/ early 1900’s – the basic premise is deferring gratification, which we learn to do as we mature. That gratification may not necessarily be sexual, it can be metal, emotional or with a specific kink or fetish. Whatever it is, it creates a state of mind in each and every submissive that they want to please me.

I like to then push this state of mind, by making the body put up with pain, irritation or being incredibly mentally uncomfortable before being allowed pleasurable gratification of a sort be that a stroke on the cheek or a slap in the face. Of course, the application of discomfort and the giving of pleasure comes in many forms, and is individual to each person although some common themes are well followed.

So some classic examples are:

A sub who likes to dress up in lingerie, stockings and high heels. He struggles to get them on, walk in the heels and knows he looks nothing like a woman, but having all those things pointed out to him is utterly humiliating, but he endures it because he knows it pleases me, and him and he gets a feeling of achievement and sexual excitement from doing what he does.  I am the facilitator and controller of the ‘scene’ and my expertise helps him achieve his goal by access to the clothing, how to wear it, making his face up providing a wig and then treating him like a cliched ‘cheap slut’ which gives him the sexual thrill.

A deeply masochistic sub comes knowing he will get the impact play he craves. He knows that once stripped naked and secured in the manner I choose, he will be slowly, and gradually ‘warmed up’ with numerous floggers, whips, paddles, tawses, canes and the like. The gentlest first, caressing the body at first, gentle teasing the skin, genitals and nipples. Building up to more moderate swipes and hits until after more than an hour his body is warmed, heart pounding and hand’s sweating ready for the hardest strokes which will punctuate the end of the session. He please me by taking what I give him in strength, number of strokes and time. He achieves a state of satisfaction and happiness by enduring, coping with the pain and digging deep within himself to keep going  as long as I want.

A more specific activity can be electrics, where the sub is secured to the bench, maybe with rope or pallet wrap. Holes are cut in he pallet wrap, over cock and nipples. The pads and rings are secured around the exposed parts and then the electrics turned on, gradually increasing in power, stressing his body, playing with his mind, not knowing if they will be turned up or turned down.  How long each setting will last, or whats coming next! He has to endure, cope with the specific sensations, maybe float away on the feelings he is having or perhaps just grit his teeth.

With all or any activities there is very little point in making a sub do what he does not enjoy. ‘Topping from the bottom’ is the daft phrase used in connection with that idea…which is as daft as making a sub do what he does not enjoy. Yes you can do it once, maybe twice, but unless you have a really seriously deeply emotionally masochistic sub, your relationship with them won’t last! (That’s professionally and personally!)

Most subs have their ‘thing’ they get off on. Going with that, expanding on it, moving into other areas of it, that’s the art of good Domination. Always trying to go just a little further than they want, and to the point you want.

That to me is the ‘Pleasure and Pain Principle’.


MM x






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