In depth topic 2 – The sub/pro Domme relationship.

Posted: April 17, 2016 in Daily Posts

Of the various topics Mistress listed of being of interest to her, the one that floated my boat was:
The much misunderstood relationship a paying sub has with his Pro Domme

So please let’s have your views on that, Mistress. You’ve clearly got something in mind to say about it.

I assume that the key word in the title is “paying”. As subs, why do we pay for it? Well, we’ve no choice. It’s a question of supply and demand. There are relatively few ladies around who have both the dominant feelings and the willingness to set up in business to provide a service to submissives, mainly men, of whom there are a vast number, who are either are submissive or think they may be, and who have a strong desire to act out their fantasies. And for those women who do set up in business, they face the genuine costs of providing the venue, the appropriate furnishings, all the necessary toys, and her own expensive outfits.

The inevitability of payment is an inconvenience that should not affect the development of a relationship between Mistress and sub. Payment should be an awkward moment to be quickly got out of the way before the real action begins. Subs should neither feel shame, nor resentment toward the Mistress at the moment of payment. They should not haggle. Rather they should feel grateful to her for taking the many risks to provide the service.

There is one way to obtain a discount, though. Some Mistresses, but by no means all, like to make bdsm videos, and will sometimes accept a lower tribute if the sub agrees to be filmed. There are risks to the sub if they take this up, such as the risk of recognition when the film goes public, which could destroy the sub’s normal life and career.

A further risk can occur just as Mistress has her sub firmly strapped to her punishment bench, with the camera already rolling and her finger poised over the dial of her e-stim box. At this moment she may casually mention that a high level of pain is absolutely necessary in order to make a best-selling video.


The relationship between sub/slave and professional Domme is much misunderstood, and the post above shows that quite clearly.

Sadly most people’s experience of what a professional Dominant is comes from clichéd images online, in the press or from books.

Some of us are not like that at all.

I have highlighted some parts of the comments above in bold, and they are the parts I want to comment on.

Firstly, you get out what you put into any relationship. That applies to sub/pro-Domme as with anything else.  If you treat the Domme as a fetish delivery system, with no feelings, thoughts or care towards her, then she will no doubt reciprocate. If she treats you like an open wallet, then that’s not healthy either.

I have always approached my relationships with subs as caring, within the context of health and welfare. Making sure they are mentally stable, and comfy with the things that we do. ( The same as I do in my personal kink relationships)

They pay me. I provide a service. It’s not ‘awkward’ or ‘inconvenient’. You pay your dentist to maintain your teeth. Or you psychiatrist to maintain your mental health. Or a counsellor, or your golf club. Some would say that all of these people/activities are necessary to keep you happy, healthy and content with life.

I am just another way of keeping yourself happy and healthy – if somewhat unconventionally. ( But for many it’s the most important part of thier life after family and work)

Subs and slaves do have a choice as to whether they see me. More so than ever before, people can have personal relationships involving kink. The net has allowed more contacts than ever before. Finding a Mistress or dominant partner is easier than ever before and in fact I know of many male and female subs who have chosen new relationships after divorce or being widowed that are inclusive of kink. It takes time and immense effort and you have to find the right person, but it can be done.

I reckon in 30 years time, there will be very few professional Mistress’s as there will be far less need for them. Youngsters coming into kink now do it openly and as part of their lives they have no need to hide who or what they are.

(A couple of other misconceptions – I don’t own any expensive outfits. Nor make up, nor shoes, nor any other feminine accoutrements. I don’t need them to be kinky, maintain control nor perform an activity. I can dominate stark naked, and frequently do so. Nor do I make videos. Not interested, never have been in making money in that way. And any activities undertaken during filming anything like that should be discussed in-depth before hand. )

I have some professional relationships which have now lasted 8 years or so. Three in fact. Others of 7, 6 and 5 years. I am fond of my subs and slaves. I enjoy my sessions with the immensely, and if I see someone I don’t like and don’t enjoy, I won’t ask them back. I am fortunate that I have other avenues of income, so I can pick and choose.

I have been asked many times if I really enjoy what I do. Yes, I do. I’ve had many jobs over the years, this is the only one I have really enjoyed, day after day. Come rain or shine. Getting up in the morning and waiting for the confirmation text. Bathing, dressing, getting my plans laid for what I am going to do with them.

Making sure my studio is perfectly set up. Getting out anything I may need that day. Making sure I have milk in the fridge, and biscuits in the jar for afters.

Spending time with them afterwards to chat over the session, make sure they are okay, and give them time to recover and ‘come down’ after we have played. It’s all part of the professional relationship.

MM x





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